He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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