Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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