i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
They took my balls.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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