Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Randomize
