don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
