Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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