Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
