she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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