i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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