Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
