Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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