you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Gay?
German.
Pity.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
