I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
