hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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