Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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