Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
