I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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