I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
