I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
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