Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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