We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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