we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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