I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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