I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I have aggressive nipples.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
