Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
