I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
