why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
