my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
