At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
