They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
