Too much gin, very little bucket
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
