Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Come see our sink grown plant.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
