the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
