she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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