Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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