Are we in a gay sports bar?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
