My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
