Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
wow bdsm is so cute
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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