I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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