His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
