Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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