PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize