something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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