Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
