Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
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