Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
