I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
