Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
can u get pink eye on your cock?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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