You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
