shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
