we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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