giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
