Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
