i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Randomize
