a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
