just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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