Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
