i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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