CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
