dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
