i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I touched a dick in church today
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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