It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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