Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
