It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
