She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
